.:[ Saturday, January 14, 2006 ]:.
I never dreamed of this kind of life yet it was given to me. I was not expecting life to be this generous to me either yet it gives without moments of hesitation. But I never wished my life to be as rough as the sea, given my present capacity to face every storm, it desires to capsize me. Isn’t life sarcastic?
I am only 19 years old and I know it would be hypocritical to say I already have experienced life in its fullest sense. Joking aside, I have.
The last few years of my life have been so cruel. Interplay of financial, family, psychological and emotional problems almost crushed me into pieces. It was the time when I really asked God if I deserve such punishments and the time when I asked myself if I deserve to be born in the first place.
I never dreamed to be in a family scarce of material possessions yet the thought of wishing for an affluent family never dawned on me. We cannot choose the kind of family we are born into but we can actually choose and decide what ours would be like in the future. We have experienced almost all sorts of difficulties, most of which almost broke my family apart. I never dreamed to graduate as the class valedictorian when I was in high school after almost every aspect of myself has fallen into uncertainty. Those people whom I thought were my friends humiliated me. The more I do better, the more my mentors criticized me. This was the stage of my life when I started to question every aspect of my being. I started to assess my overall worth as a person. I was practically down to my last strand of self-esteem and until now, I still just could not believe how my whole being remained unscathed.
Then, gradually, life started to follow a different course. At first, I found it difficult to follow the new path because it was leading me towards something far from what I have experienced. If the previous path was gray and hazy, this new one was full of vibrancy and color. It is ironic that the more I got humiliated, the more generous my life became. Amidst poverty, I was still given a chance to redefine my life here in Ateneo. Even the thought of studying in this well respected institution was far from reality because of our financial status. Yet opportunity came knocking on my door during the most hopeless time of my life. Look how sarcastic life is. It would first tear you into pieces before actually letting you experience its beauty.
What I have been through does prove that life cannot be complete without sufferings. Sufferings are the spices of our life. According to Viktor E. Frankl in his article “Man’s Search for Meaning”, the way in which man accepts his fate and all the suffering it entails, the way in which he takes up his cross, gives him ample opportunity- even under the most difficult circumstances- to add a deeper meaning to his life. He actually has two choices, whether to allow himself be overwhelmed by these hurdles and eventually give up or to prove himself worthy of these sufferings by deciding from the innermost part of his soul to continue and challenge life.
To a certain extent, it is true that a human being is inevitably influenced by his surroundings. However, the decision still lies on us whether to go with the flow or question the status quo. We can question because we are free. We are not doomed to succumb to what life wants. Rather, it challenges us to reinvent our own life to give it a deeper meaning. Some aspects of our freedom may be suppressed by these sufferings but our last inner freedom cannot be lost in any way. If we are to search for life’s meaning, then we still have to search first deep within ourselves our capability to use our last inner freedom in giving meaning to our life.
As what I have mentioned, life first tears us apart before actually allowing us appreciate its beauty. It first breaks the person and then rebuilds him/her into a totally new person. Life first tests our inner freedom in times of difficulties before letting us see its meaning. Life is sarcastic, isn’t it?
a RED production by me at 11:33:00 AM